Sunday, July 28, 2013

Invictus. I am.

The beginning. Defining moments. The longing for a successful business career and the distant, windy road to get there.. the wrong turns, the roadblocks, the green lights and finally, the rear view mirror glance reflecting on the journey. All to realize, in one moment, that your hobby, your passion in life, has surfaced to a place you cannot ignore. Emotional chaos begins, the internal struggle of balance and treading the waters of realization.. there is more for me. The questions of self, digging deep, soul searching. Letting go, to just.. be. Present, mindful, allowing heart to drive and understanding that true and absolute belief in self, is crucial. With a twelve year career at one company, most recently in management, and a seat on the Board of Directors for a local Credit Union over the last ten years, as well as other positions within, I made the most difficult, yet easiest decision of my life. Within a one month period I lived through all phases of internal question and change. I stepped down from my position, resigned from the Board and enrolled for Fall semester at Metro State for an undergrad in nutrition at 35 years old. My heart, my love, my passion. To help others be a better them than yesterday, from the inside out. Fitness plays into this a great deal, however the core, the emotional tie, the relationship that creates change, is food. 

I am addicted to athletic challenge. Ranging from 5k mud runs or charity runs, to half marathons, sprint triathlons, Tough Mudder, MS 150 40 mile loop, Pikes Peak Challenge, many for great cause as well as the personal challenge and intent to inspire others to join and push themselves to new levels. I also compete in NPC bikini division competitions, this offers a mental and physical challenge and each day is working toward a goal to step on stage next. This sport has uncovered a deeper passion of nutrition and fitness over the last year. It isn't about a trophy or living up to someone else's visual standards on stage, this is about a better me than yesterday. It is about building relationships with those that live and breath that journey with you, motivating and inspiring and supporting. These activities will continue as I push through this next phase.

I have the courage to jump. Does that mean I'm not afraid? Absolutely not. I am throwing a stack of papers in the air and seeing which ones I can catch. The unknown is quite scary for many.. but also very intriguing and exciting. I must know. I must follow my heart. I took the leap without a safety net.. financially speaking I am standing on the edge of a cliff with no idea why lies below. That moment teetering on the edge, tears of fear, nervous excitement, the calm before the storm.. what am I doing? All I have to do is turn around, there is a perfectly solid career that will cover living expenses and lack this fear, this stress.. why walk alone when you can follow the crowd. The path of least resistance, the easy way out. This is the point that most would turn back. I am not most people. I blaze my own trails. I hold strong and continue forward because somehow, someway I will succeed. I respect others for following passion, why can't I be that person too. I want to inspire others to.. just be. This blog is raw and real and will expose my emotions, my struggles and successes. I want to share my journey with you. This can be done. And I will do it. There will be tears.. there already have been.. there will be plenty of smiles too. I have never been one to voice struggle or bare emotion, but this blog is my release.. it is my outlet. This is where I will tell all.