Friday, February 12, 2021

I Will

Will I be able to pick up my sport where I left off? Will I be as good as I was pre-quarantine? Thoughts pinging around in my brain.. 


Right or wrong, being a competitive athlete is a major pillar of my identity. ‘The new normal’ disrupted my routine and training regimen for months, and opened a door for doubt to creep in. Not to mention, COVID threatened my livelihood, and while I adapted and rolled with the punches, life went new directions all together. This isn’t to say it was all bad, it wasn’t. In fact, 2020 brought a significant amount of joy, growth and opportunity in ways I never imagined. The flip side, though, is that my OCR training program, and the focus to stay on point with it, suffered. Cross training with the various endurance and OCR races I had locked in for 2020 were my accountability measure and held my feet to the fire to stay laser focused on progress. One canceled.. then two.. five.. now all 25ish race events on my calendar. Canceled. Without them, I felt lost and free all at once. I found myself jumping into other sports, learning, growing and enjoying the process. Pretty sure it’s a given, but yes, I stayed fit and active. It just looked different and created a gap between what I needed to continue my success in OCR and the ‘oh look, a squirrel!’ which was literally, anything fitness. CrossFit? Joined a box. Kickboxing.. wrestling? Both. Proud member of Factory X. I started boxing and sparring again, because, duh.. punching is fun. And it offers structure, teaches control and is one hell of a workout. And any event with a finish line, whether a 100k Ultra in Arizona or the Leadville MTB Stage Race.. sure, why not!? I’m there! 


Look. I don’t sit in this negative space filled with doubt, and I certainly don’t dwell in it. But, it is important that I acknowledge it, transparency and vulnerability are key. Who knows, maybe you’re feeling some kind of way and needed to hear this.


If you know me, you know. I’m mentally tough AF, with my no excuses, there’s nothing you can’t do, I know no limits, I’ll do it with a broken ankle, attitude. I don’t settle for anything less than my best, and THEN some. Giving less than 120% is bullshit. If you think you’ll ever reach your goals at 70%.. 80%.. you’re wrong. And frankly, you don’t want it bad enough. If you fall in the 70% crowd, how’s that working out for you? It might be time to reevaluate, and take a long, hard look at your mindset. .. Just some friendly advice. As they say, ‘the heart of a champion is a light switch that’s always on’. Not just when someone is watching. It’s a state of mind.. it’s a way of life.


Bottom line is, I CHOOSE. And now that I recognize what this internal turmoil is stemming from.. the fear of not jumping into my first competitive race exactly where I left off a year ago, of letting people down and not being the same Jess Kidd you all remember, I can address it. Head on. Cause she’s alive and well; and there’s not many that know comebacks better.. from shoulder surgeries to a season of podium wins and joining the Cerus Pro team, breaking an ankle mid race, and finishing, to qualifying for Spartan Elite. You will hear me say, there’s nothing you can’t do. And now you know why. 


2020 happened, so what. We don’t have to like it, but we do get to CHOOSE how we react to it. In reality, every year has its fair share of shit, why is this any different? I’m not the only athlete that feels this way, but that’s not the point. I don’t need excuses to make me feel better.. excuses only hold you prisoner. Don’t pat me on the back and tell me everything’s gonna be okay. I know it will. I am taking ACTION. Right now, today, and everyday. I refuse to reset my goals. They may take longer to accomplish now, but I will NOT fail my own expectations. This is me vs. me. I will show up and overcome. And I will be better than my best. 


Beast mode = ON.


2 comments:

  1. I think you are amazing in so many ways! You have challenged me to grow in so many ways and I know you are a huge part of my recent growth and winning a title. You are a champion in all areas of your life and that energy is infectious. I have no doubt when the opportunity presents itself you will rise to the top just like you did before and like you always will because that's the mindset you bring! Even if your not where you left off the joy is in the journey and the challenge of rising to the top, not in the destination! I love you and you are Champion to me ����

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  2. You are amazing. Thank you for this! I love you, too!!

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